so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
