you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize