remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
