I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize