omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
