there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
