Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize