The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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