no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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