A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize