If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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