I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
