New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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