My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
