Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
