i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
