I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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