Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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