can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
