eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
