Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
