Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
