one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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