It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
17 year olds will be the death of me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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