I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
