i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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