Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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