Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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