i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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