I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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