Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
