I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize