So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
