yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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