also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
