put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
