That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
