So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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