Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
