I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
