peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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