I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
