i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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