I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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