My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
