I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize