roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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