Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
