I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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