it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
