I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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