I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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