you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Me too!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize