I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
