As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
