is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
