I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
