So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
