Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
