I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
