I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
