I smell stomach acid.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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