shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
