omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
