Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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