youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
