Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
